Goodbye 2009 - Hello 2010

~*~ HAPPY NEW YEAR ~*~

It seems like only yesterday that the world was in a tizzy and preparing for the everything to crash when '1999' changed to '2000' but here we are, beginning our second decade, and the world is still functioning (or dysfunctioning depending on what part of the world you are looking at). In regards to my where-abouts these past few months, I have been here - quietly but here none the less. Since I have done absolutely nothing in the world of crafting since April, it didn't make much sense to keep my blog here, sitting stagnent. Because of this, Creatively Mine was shut down for a while. I tried to make it disappear but it would only let me password it. For those of you who wondered if I had shut you out, I did not. I was the only one with access. I am not one who often makes reference to my personal journey on my blog and mainly use it as a creative outlet, with the occassional you-tube funny, so there honestly was nothing to update about. (btw - I don't think that there is anything wrong with sharing your life on blogs, I just dont seem to other than the rare occassion, is all)

I can't believe that it is already 2010 and that I am almost 36. Where has the time gone? Personally, I am thankful that 2009 is over. While there were moments to cherish and remember, it was not a good year overall. 2009 has seen the end of friendships there were very dear to me. Because of how it played out, it resulted in my becoming very insecure about those who remain and questioning the true sincerity of those friendships. 2009 saw dreams coming true but turning into a nightmare with the discovery that I was pregnant again ... finally. Several ultrasounds revealed that it just wasn't meant to be and, at 11 weeks, I was no longer pregnant. This made first trimester loss number 4 in addition to losing Hannah. Added to that is the stress of self-employment and, even though it is not I who is self-employed, it has been allowed to come into our home and affect us in many ways. Struggles with myself. Stuggles with weight gain after weight loss. Struggles with marriage. Struggles with knowing I should have been 7 months pregnant and am not. Struggles with yet another Christmas without my daughter. This has all taken me to a place I have never been before. This place is very dark. Very sad. Very lonely. I do not like it here.

Welcome 2010. A new year. A fresh start. A year that I will continue my journey towards healing. A time when I will try and find peace in my childless life, as I had started to before becoming pregnant again. A time when I will once again seek physical health and add to that the journey for good mental health as well. I will continue to grow academically with more courses at Carleton. I will make time to create. I will create. I will put my life back together with or without those who are there now. I will live for me. Anything else that happens, anyone that happens, will just be an added blessing. I will work towards the light and find the happiness that I found a year ago. This is my promise to myself and it begins now - with this blog post, with the discovery of my 2010 word and with a crafting session on the weekend. I can't wait.

Wishing you the happiest and healthiest of 2010. May all your dreams come true and may you find peace in a world that doesn't always give you everything you hope for.

{{{ HUGS }}}