In October 2010, I went to NavCan with some friends. Page kits in hand, I also brought along a little chipboard angel wing album I had picked up a while back. Not sure if I was going to do it or not, I packed embellishments and paints leaving it as an option if I felt pulled towards making the mini ... and I did.
Those who know me, know that I have experienced the worst heartache ever imaginable - the loss of a child. While Hannah's time with us but a mere moment, it is a moment that I cherish dearly and that lives strongly in my heart as if it were yesterday. A moment that I wouldn't trade for the world. A moment that is worth every last ounce of pain and heartache that went with it because, along with that pain and heartache came smiles and laughter and love. Incredible love. Immense love that can only be felt when you look at your new baby, regarldess of the circumstances.
October 25th marked our 8th year without her. It is in all likelihood that those moments I held, bathed, dressed, sang to and loved Hannah are the only moments of Mommyhood I will ever experience. It is not okay, but this is my life and so I live it. And by living it, I celebrate the moments creating and recreating with the only photos I have of those brief few hours.
As always, I toy with posting this album. I worry that I will offend or upset others and if I do, I am truly sorry. Out of respect for my few readers, I have blocked her out. Hopefully that is enough not to upset anyone. With regards to this post, I have actually started and deleted versions of it time and time again, trying to get the nerve to share something that many skoff at --- but the reality is this: I have a daughter. Her name is Hannah Grace. I love her more than I can say and miss her just as much. My heart beams with pride and happiness when I think of her and when I talk about her and, for this reason and this reason alone, I have decided to share album photos. I am sharing my sweet baby girl. My angel baby. The one thing in life I know I almost did right.
Mommy loves you, sweetest angel. ...xox...
6 comments:
NEVER worry about offending or upsetting anyone! This is your blog, your feelings and your beautiful story about your beautiful daughter.
You are strong, brave and blessed.
Love to you,
Renee
what an unbelievably beautiful album and such a lovely tribute to your daughter...
i agree with Renee - this is your blog, your safe place...
This is your life. This is YOU. I am crying for you, your husband and your daughter. It is incredibly touching. Hugs
I am so very happy you made this beautiful album about Hannah and shared it. It is a beautiful as well as heartbreaking story. Thank-you for sharing her with us :)
Mellisa this is really precious and a beautiful tribute to Hannah. I am sure it wasn't easy to do but a beautiful album to cherish. Hugs xx
I whole heartedly agree with Renee ... You should share freely and never worry about offending anyone ... TY for sharing this ... I can't imagine it is easy at any time .. but I love reading about her ... I think of you every 25 Oct!
R :)
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