My Favourite Songs of Yesterday & Today

Returning soon to a blog near you. New Year ... new music. Happy 2011.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Back to School ... take 2

Most of my (small) blog world sweeties likely don't know that, at the beginning of January, I dropped out of Carleton University.  It just wasn't for me - starting with something like English probably didn't help either.  I struggled with making this decision.  It was very hard for me to admit defeat.  To not feel like a failure.  I looked at the withdrawl screen several times before I was actually able to hit that one button that removes me from the class.  Finally, with only hours to spare, placed the curser over the button, took a deep breath (literally), closed my eyes and clicked.  After a few more hours I felt better.  I realized that it was I that made the decision to drop out and no one else.  I didn't leave based on performance.  I didn't leave because I was failing.  It was an educated decision made knowing that, after 11 years out of school and I was not defeated.  I was leaving with a B average.  Finally, I was able to hold my head high and remove the shame that I felt.  I always felt that university wasn't for me.  I am too much of a hands on learner.  At least now I will know for sure and, in 10 years from now, there will be no questions.  I am happy and content with my decision.

All this being said ... over the past few years, I have always felt a pull towards something but never felt worthy or creative or talented enough to follow through.  After going back to school (which I did enjoy) and looking at blogs and links and images, that pull just got stronger and I finally decided to go with it.  While I don't feel creative or talented enough, I do feel worthy.  Anything that is going to expand your mind makes you worthy so .... I am now registered in the Basic Digital Photography course at Algonquin College.  It is the first of 8 classes that will earn me a Photograhy certificate.  It starts on May 3rd and I can't wait.  I am very excited and inspired and eager to see what I can do when I am not just playing. 

Regardless of whether I walk way with only knowledge and the ability to take better pictures of my Fruit Salad* or the confidence to take on some paid work during my summers off ... it seems that remembering my student number after 12 years came in handy!

*Fruit Salad - the name given by me when talking about my nieces and nephews.  Beginning with my oldest niece whom I always told "you are the apple of my eye" and continued with her sisters.  Then came my sweet nephew, Matthew.  Very stocky and plump with a teeny tiny head ... my pears were born.  When my daughter was born, we decided to give her the name Hannah.  Trying to cram in as much as I could during or short time together, I called her Hannah Banana and teased her about her name.  Months later, what I had done hit me.  My children (or child) are my bananas.  When/if my brother and sister have kids, they too will assigned sweet fruits.  And that, my bloggers, is not only what my fruit salad is, but how it originated as well.  *sigh* how I love them so ....


Kataroo said...

I am so excited for you...the photography class sounds like a perfect fit :) and I LOVE THAT you said you are WORTHY of this...because you are :)

Stay Funny said...

Was so happy for you yesterday - when you were telling me that news!
Big hugs and can't wait to see were this will bring your creative process! Yo go girl!

Louise Dubord said...

Great for you! You are wothy of everything you wish to accomplish. Keep listening to your voice.

Anonymous said...

Oh my mellisa, that was a beautiful post. What i have always loved about your blog is that you are so honest with yourself, you speak from your heart. Your heart is huge my friend, I can feel it, I can see it in you!!! I believe in you!!!! I am so proud of your decision making for yourself. You go girl!!! You will do sooooooo
well in your photography course at Algonquin. I can't wait to hear all about it!! I am so sorry I have been gone for a while but I have been so so ill. I want to make contact with you whenever you have the time. Please email me or call me!!
You are one strong and courageous woman!!! I believe in you!!!
Hugs and love